Dreams

Since we are little we dream of something of achieving or being like someone, we see artists, famous people on TV, read and hear about them or watch movies that impact us for the story, and we wish our life will be like that story, like a certain character or certain life. In our house we see in our family people we admire or a neighbor, there is always someone to admire and dream of, and one day, be like that person, or achieve what he or she has achieved.

But as we grow up, our dreams change, life changes, or better said, changes us, and everything with which we dreamed, from one moment to another seems just that.... A dream. So we call ourselves crazy for even having dared to think like that and we justify the thought by saying "I was a little kid, what could I've known about life," but we do not think that a little kid, with no worries, no responsibilities, limits or noise in her or his head, could think only and exclusively of what its heart desired, a complete pure thought, where you could assure that everything was possible.

Unfortunately the difference between "When I grow up" and "When I was as a child" is not only the change of future tense to past tense. In this process many things can happen, life can take unexpected turns where our heart can be damaged, limiting our ability to achieve many things for fear of being hurt again. More probably, realizing our dreams involve fully expose of our damaged heart. But in order to not feel that pain, that suffering, sadness or disappointment, we are willing to sacrifice those dreams without realizing also, that the sacrifice will cause us even greater pain for not seeing them fulfilled.

There is never an easy way to put yourself "out there" again, when you have been hurt so much and you know more your tears than your laugh. It takes time to get those feelings back, you can't push anyone to return to a normal life, because if something is true, is that after being hurt, you can never go back be the same. Those dreams we had as children, dreams without a plan to follow, where we had just an image or a thought of who or what we wanted and we used to base our whole life around this, those dreams never go away, they live in our heart forever. 
Like the eccentric character Katherine in the movie Under the Tuscan Sun  says: "Never lose your childish enthusiasm, and things will come your way". So never give up on something or someone if it makes you feel like a little kid dreaming and wishing upon a star, that for sure, is what brings passion to your heart.

Hearts

Falling in love is an amazing feeling. In my experience I thought I was in love so many times, but realizing wasn't exactly that, never took me long. I have always experience the same scenario: A guy likes me, he makes something to catch my attention and then we talk for like an hour or two, he gets my number and I wait for the message to arrange a date during the week.

Of course I give my number if the guy is cute, handsome and has an interesting life. But after so many heartbreaks I knew something was wrong with my formula.

Realizing is not love is not that hard, if you know your heart, you can find that answer easily, but if you don't know it, like me, you get fooled by your own desires and needs of the moment.

I think it also has a lot do with maturity, knowing yourself, what you want and how much do you love yourself in order to enter a healthy relationship and not just one that looks good on photographs. People can influence a lot in our choices "Is he handsome?" "Does he have money?" "Where does he live?" "Is his family good?" like if you could assure a happily ever after with only those facts. So how to find true love if it doesn't depend on looks, position, job or family? 

To me hasn't been easy, and I'm sure a lot of people agree with me that is really hard to find love, and I know my mistake was searching for a perfect outside instead of the perfect inside. Is the hardest thing in the world because for that, you have to commit yourself to actually wanting to know the person, his life, his interests, hobbies, flaws, habits good and bad ones, is everything that makes him: HIM, not only if he goes to nice restaurants or have nice cloths, or a good car. Love goes beyond that, and if we search for something real and not an illusion we need to be willing to wait, because knowing someone takes time.  But like a quote of the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower says "We accept the love we think we deserve". So love yourself in order to wait for the best, for someone who wants to know you for real, and is not a myth, people with perfect hearts do exist.